Nine months after graduating from university and applying to around 100 jobs with no results, I finally landed a job through a temp agency at a pretty well known bank. Was this what I wanted? No, not at all. I knew nothing about banking and had no interest in it. Yet, the other things going on in my life at the time showed me that I wanted money to be able to accomplish what I had in mind at the time. So I took the job.
Let's just say this was the start of the darkest period in my life. It wasn't all related to this job though. Yet, the work environment created a very stressful experience. This stress and anxiety carried home with me and affected my home life. This went on for about four years. I felt like I couldn't leave because I had nowhere else to go and I needed an income. I had just gotten married, we had bills and rent to pay, then a mortgage payment when we moved into our house. Now, these were all things I wanted so I chose to stay at this shitty job in order to make the rest of my life good. But because I was in such a bad place mentally due to the anxiety caused by my job, I wasn't really living. I was just getting by.
Finally in early 2012 I was let go from that job. They laid off a lot of people and I was included in that. I have to say that was one of the best things that could have happened to me and I felt extreme relief at the time, even though I didn't have a steady income and had no clue where I would find work. I was happy for the first time in years. I was able to see life for what it is and all the things I had to be grateful for. But the burden of bills was still in the back of mind and I continued my job search for almost 6 months while collecting unemployment. That's when I found my second banking job.
What my work environment looked like |
This bank was drastically different from the other. Small and only local to San Diego. I thought, "I can do this". The work isn't stressful and it was in a nice area. Six months or so into the job I began experience similar problems as I did at my last job. Though I was at a better place and able to handle it a little better. It didn't ease my frustrations though. I didn't like working at a place that didn't suit me and my outlook on things. I battled with these conflicts, feeling again like I wanted to leave but not having the courage to walk out and leave my family without an income. So I stuck it out and left work at work. When I got home, I got very good at shutting it out. But I didn't feel fulfilled spending 40 hours a week there.
My new office. |
One of my favorite women - Tricia Huffman |
Embrace change because you will only grow from it. Don't run from fear, dive deep into it.
~Alysia
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