Forced Change Can Be a Blessing

I've struggled a lot with jobs.  I've never been able to get into an industry that I can thrive in.  This is not to say that I didn't try.  The timing just wasn't right.  So, I've been at jobs that I don't really care for - mostly banking.  After graduating with a degree in Anthropology, I knew it would be difficult to find work but I was not aware that it would be nearly impossible to get ANY job.  This was back in 2007 when the economy in the United States was starting to crash down hard.

Nine months after graduating from university and applying to around 100 jobs with no results, I finally landed a job through a temp agency at a pretty well known bank.  Was this what I wanted?  No, not at all.  I knew nothing about banking and had no interest in it.  Yet, the other things going on in my life at the time showed me that I wanted money to be able to accomplish what I had in mind at the time.  So I took the job.


Let's just say this was the start of the darkest period in my life.  It wasn't all related to this job though. Yet, the work environment created a very stressful experience.  This stress and anxiety carried home with me and affected my home life.  This went on for about four years.  I felt like I couldn't leave because I had nowhere else to go and I needed an income.  I had just gotten married, we had bills and rent to pay, then a mortgage payment when we moved into our house.  Now, these were all things I wanted so I chose to stay at this shitty job in order to make the rest of my life good.  But because I was in such a bad place mentally due to the anxiety caused by my job, I wasn't really living.  I was just getting by.

Finally in early 2012 I was let go from that job.  They laid off a lot of people and I was included in that. I have to say that was one of the best things that could have happened to me and I felt extreme relief at the time, even though I didn't have a steady income and had no clue where I would find work.  I was happy for the first time in years.  I was able to see life for what it is and all the things I had to be grateful for.  But the burden of bills was still in the back of mind and I continued my job search for almost 6 months while collecting unemployment.  That's when I found my second banking job.

What my work environment looked like

This bank was drastically different from the other.  Small and only local to San Diego.  I thought, "I can do this".  The work isn't stressful and it was in a nice area.  Six months or so into the job I began experience similar problems as I did at my last job.  Though I was at a better place and able to handle it a little better.  It didn't ease my frustrations though.  I didn't like working at a place that didn't suit me and my outlook on things.  I battled with these conflicts, feeling again like I wanted to leave but not having the courage to walk out and leave my family without an income.  So I stuck it out and left work at work.  When I got home, I got very good at shutting it out.  But I didn't feel fulfilled spending 40 hours a week there.

My new office.

This past Monday, the bank announced a lay-off.  Again, I was included.  Shock was my first reaction. It came OUT of the blue. No one expected it.   More than half of the department, gone.  But after the shock wore off, maybe a few minutes tops, I again felt relief.  This job wasn't serving me and life I wanted to pursue. Now I will be home in the summer while my little girl is out of school and I will have all the time in the world to spend with her, and our new baby.  Beach, Zoo, park - it's all possible now.  AND I feel a new power within me.  I've done a lot of emotional growth over the past year and now feel willing and more than able to follow my true dreams.  It will take work and will not happen over night, but none of that matters.  I know I will reach my dream.  I can see it over the horizon now.

One of my favorite women - Tricia Huffman

My point is that many times we don't ask or wish for the things that happen to us and many times they may anger or scare us, but 100% of the time they are happening at the exact moment they are meant to happen.  Even if you can't see it that way in that moment.  I used to have trouble seeing this but now I can truly see how this forced change in my life is a blessing I've been praying about for a while now.

Embrace change because you will only grow from it. Don't run from fear, dive deep into it.



~Alysia